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Hi Reader,
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I can recall a time hearing the words "marriages aren't disposable, you can't just toss them out like trash." Then, while going through my separation, I found this one, "divorce isn't failure; staying unhappy is." FUCK YEA to the latter.

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October 25 would have marked our 26th wedding anniversary, and 30th year as a couple. In many ways we still are so much the same as when we were married...how we interact, the fact we still attend family and social events together often driving with each other to/from, how we gather for birthdays, holidays, celebrations, and losses. How we buy each other gifts for Mother's/Father's Day and our birthdays. We even still honor the date (sort of), and while it looks drastically different than we imagined we still have an amazing relationship by any measure. In fact, early Friday morning we texted to acknowledge one other, and how gorgeous our wedding day was and the weather was exactly the same as it was last week. We event spent part of the day together watching our daughter's final high school soccer game.

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It's all bittersweet. The juxtaposition of overflowing joy for how far I've come and where I'm at in my life, and the profound sense of deep loss. This was not how I imagined it and in so many ways, it's SO much better. That's where life exists my friends. It's what I refer to as the messy middle.

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We had a good marriage by most counts. We met at work, found each other while ending prior relationships that didn't really fit anymore, and shared so many of the same interests, including personal development. We wanted to expand our lives and shed our pasts. We wanted more than what we could see in front of us and felt like we finally found the partner to do it with. We spent the next four years dating, traveling, having boozy city brunches and weekends in the burbs with friends who already left the city. I was integrated in David's life who was two at the time. Andy moved into my studio apartment on 15th Street in NYC and within two years I agreed to move (temporarily) out of the city (I still haven't moved back) to be closer to our little guy. A couple years later we got engaged and married. It all seemed on point. We were happy.

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As years turned into a decade, and that decade into yet another, I noticed the state of change in our relationship as its own entity and how we each changed individually and collectively ... all of it was clearly becoming more and more incongruous. As life threw us curve balls the way we grew and evolved changed. Jobs were lost. Illnesses were diagnosed. Careers shifted. 9/11 happened and Andy lost his very best friend. A few years later we got pregnant with Luca, who had a traumatic birth which massively impacted my postpartum recovery and our marriage. Then I got pregnant again about 18 months later and miscarried. Then within another 16 or so months after that we had Micaella. What we know for sure is that life changes all the time. We change all the time. And how could we not? We are always in some state of healing, recovery and being hurt all over again. And sometimes we change at different paces...
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"When someone says, 'you've changed,' what they mean is they have not."

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I changed so much over the course of our marriage. I was 26 when I met Andy; 30 when we married, and called the audible at about 52. I had spent more than half of my life in our relationship, and by the time I had the courage to ask for our divorce I had diluted so many parts of myself I was 50% resentment and 50% completely lost.

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I thought that me doing the work to change would be enough.

I thought that being vulnerable and asking for things I wanted and needed would be enough.

I thought that learning how to accept all the parts of Andy would be enough.

I thought more therapy would be enough.

I thought a girls weekend would be enough.

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We tried individual therapy, couples counseling, weekends away, and regular date nights. We had check-ins, and left each other love notes. We tried E V E R Y T H I N G. And even still somewhere along the way we lost each other in some irrevocable way.

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I felt like a shadow of myself and started to self-loathe because I knew I was happier every time I stepped outside my home, and could be more authentic outside those walls than within them. The changes in me were subtle yet undeniable. What I knew for sure was that I was unwilling to live a "good enough" life any longer. I was exhausted from cleaving off parts of myself to fit into the world we had created and I no longer fit into. It was unsustainable.

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So I did the brave thing. Andy did too.

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He has been amazing at working toward our incredibly healthy, and solid relationship as we continue to be the best fucking parents I know. Hands down.

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So the moral of the story? Only you can decide when good enough is good enough. And sometimes we have to do incredibly brave things to find our way back to ourselves. The journey is worth the trip as I've never felt more at home within my own being. I love myself again in ways perhaps I haven't before. I know myself deeply and what I want.

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I want spectacular. So when I let go of good enough, I opened the door to spectacular and that's exactly what I'm creating. I can't wait to see how spectacular shows up next.

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Here's to finding your own spectacular...whether reinvigorating your intimate relationship or exploring the depths of your own heart song, I implore you to dig in and go deep.

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We only get this one show and I fully intend on a standing ovation! How about you?

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All my love for your journey back to you,
​xo Gabrielle

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P.S. - If you want to book a discovery call to talk about one-on-one coaching, click here to get on my calendar.

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P.P.S. - I am excited to announce my JOY INCUBATOR membership launches in January! Click here to learn more and get on the wait list.
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P.P.P.S. - Don't forget to CHASE JOY!

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